If you have a past life Fear of Failure, you might have real problems beginning a task. Then, once you do, you may become obsessive, feeling you must get it finished urgently. Some people swing between the two. A lot of people with this fear are afraid of making decisions in case they make the wrong one. Nila is one of them. In Nila’s recent past, she was a five-year-old boy named Manuel, living with his father and stepmother in Mexico City. He’d been put in their care after his birth mother had to spend time in a mental institution. When Manuel was told he’d be returned to his mother, he was distraught. He didn’t want to leave the home he loved to be with someone who was volatile and distant. Hoping to make himself sick so he could stay, he drank a toxic liquid he found in the garage. He burned his esophagus, and died in great distress with damage to all his major organs. When I told Nila about what had happened to her, she saw the resonance with this life immediately. In fact, it couldn’t have been more obvious. “When I get stressed, or when I’m around a chemical like Comet, I stop breathing,” she said. “My throat just closes up. Usually, I can get a little air through my nose, but one time I was in the shower, and I couldn’t get any air at all. I was hysterical—I thought I was dying. “My husband has had to call 911 a few times, but after a minute or two I’d be okay, and he has to call them back. I cough a lot after, and can’t talk. I gasp and my eyes water; I’d be hoarse for a couple of hours. I’ve been to doctors, but they can’t find anything wrong.” As I said earlier, a major manifestation of the fear has been a problem making decisions. Like a lot of people with a deadly mistake in their soul’s past, she fears the consequences of making the wrong decision. I asked her if she recognized that symptom. “Do I find it hard to make decisions? I can’t make decisions! I hate to make them. I’ll just kind of surrender.” Since the big mistake she’d made in Mexico had been to ingest the substance that killed her, I asked if she had problems with giving the kids medicine, or even taking remedies herself. “I was so afraid of making a mistake, I used to write down everything I gave the kids. I was terrified they’d get kidney failure from too much Tylenol or something. I never take conventional medicine myself; just natural herbs and supplements.” Nila had just left her husband. I asked her how she’d made that decision. “It was tough,” she said. “I’d wanted to leave him for years, but I just couldn’t act on it. Then I found out he’d cheated on me. And he lied about it, over and over. I might have gotten over the unfaithfulness, but it was the lying that got me. I lost all respect for him. “I tried staying together for the kids, but I got so depressed I wished I was dead. Then I realized that, here I was, doing it for the kids, but if I didn’t leave, I wasn’t putting them first. “Now, after fifteen years of a bad marriage, I’m resurfacing, stronger than ever. I feel happy; I feel in control. I feel like a weight has been lifted.
An Exerpt from the Transformation: Nila’s Past Life Fear of Failure
